. : : さと の intermezzo : : .

sebel bgt...susa mao kmn2. Kaki gw lemes bgt....bukan cman itu, tangan jg ikutan. Hhh....BeTe dah...kmn2 hrs megang tongkat...dah kyk zatoichi XD hahahahaha. Yg gw binun, knp penyakit gw sama kyk bokap gw...keluhan na kaki lemes. Masa gw hrs menjalani 30x suntikan lg, oh man, that's pain in a butt, 'yaa know. Biarpun dah kebal nieh pantad gw, tp tetep aj, cape ke dokter na, males bgt...soal na ga ad yg nyediain supply buat ngisi perut. Haha.

Oh yaa, another fact, emosi gw isa tiba2 redam stlh disuntik. Dunno why. Chemical reaction? lol

Mslh2 yg mao gw keluarin biar gw na lega...
first of all, gw selalu berusaha, apalagi stlh gw tau bner klo gw punya penyakit paru2. Gw tuw selalu berusaha supaya gw menahan emosi gw. Karena klo nda...hehe, nanti gw takut ad yg robek...wah kacaoooo jadi na XDDD Gw khan punya nyokap yg mesti gw jaga...anak, istri jg...(LOooooh??) ga deh, becanda, hyahahahahahaha...gw terus terang aj, gw ogah mati mengenaskan ato so-so aj...i prefered die in the arms of a girl who i loved, OR a person who is my bestfriend. Mksd na biar dramatic gichuuuuuuuuu...wahahaha ga laah. Smua na suda ad yg ngatur...jalanin aj. Tp berusaha tetep bole donk *rolling over the floor n smile*

Second, umm, apa yah..? MNRT LOE??!! mnrt gw, once, prnh berpikir klo untung org bisu. Mulut na ga isa digunakan buat maki2 org. Then, org buta, dia nda perlu melihat kejahatan dunia yg merusak diri na. Teruss, org tuli, ga bisa denger kata2 panas kli yaa? (apa seh??) Xp Yaa inti na seh, gw bersyukur punya gw smua na normal, well, at least sejauh ini. Gw hrs menjaga n mikir gmn cara na pake tuw smua pemberian dr Yang Di Atas supaya tetep stay on track. Fiuh...i'll try my best...!!

Third, nah yg ini susa bgt ga dipikirin. Gw sedang berusaha buat berubah. Utk jadi anak baik, tidur tepat waktu, mkn pada jam na, beuh, pokok na smua yg bae2 dhe...klo dipikir2, klo gw blg diri gw yg skrg ada INI!! Pandangan gw yg pertama, wah it's definitely me, it can't be changed!! Hahaha, sempit bgt yah pikiran gw XDDD padahal itu pola idup yg gw jalanin berubah tiap taon. hahahahaha. Mantan cw gw menasehati, itu smua isa berubah. Hoho, she made my eyes opened real wide, hell yeah! kata2 dia semua na bner n gw ngerasa ga ad salah na. Toh buat kebaikan gw jg...

Gw bahagia bgt krn dia hadir buat peringatin gw. Memberi advice...yang mnrt gw, selalu memberikan kesan seperti papa gw. Kata2 na hangat. N pasti na, menusuk ke hati. Thank you, dah jadi malaikat penenang gw. Thx for everything.

Yuup...ad 1 ato 2 beban yg bisa gw angkat dr kepala gw. Gw yakin cukup berat buat diangkat...tp i'm working on it. Soal na dah ga perlu gw mikirin begituan. Just wanna smile with all the sweet memories she gave me...hohoho

that's for today, tired, gonna take some medicine n go to sleep

Have a Nice Day!!

And so i've buried my dad and done the ceremony today. There is both happiness and sadness within me. He's now free from the cruel of the world, even i'll be missing him so much. Now i'm in charge in the house, i feel i'll almost begin everything from the start, start all over again. Hahaha, what the hell, i'll work harder from now on...yosh! ganbarimasuyo~

Another thing, love is in the air. I have a feeling that she like me from her strange sms she gave me some days ago...And today, i've revealed everything. Aaaaah, i was speechless when i heard she's care bout me...haha, silly me XD I'm even start to like her because she's the only one of my friend that is, aah, 'beside me' when i needed someone's shoulder to cry on. She usually asked me if i have my lunch, or maybe dinner. She always supports me with her gentle n sweet words.

And about the girl i mentioned before...let just stay as a friend. I need a person who cared about me first better than i care bout her first...time surely change, ah? heh, i've just lost someone i really love in my whole live, the one that i adore very much...he's the one who love n care bout me FIRST, he deserves my loyalty til i've died...he deserves it. Now you see now why i need someone who love me first...because he's gone

I might tell yaa a story or two, soon or later...c yaa!!

Ohh, btw...
Today, wednesday, 8 feb 2006, 10.30pm, we are a couple since that time.
I lost someone who i really love...The one who can control my anger, lived as my love, essence of my life...
Then she's there, standing awaiting her turns to take care of me, to control my anger, to become my love, to be the essence of my life...
Now as she said, "I'm yours, pei2 ^^"
And as i said, "I'm yours, mon2 ^^"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been a while nee~?
A lot of shits happen, some DID bother me, and some didn't...oh well, life goes on...
belakangan ini gw byk berinteraksi dgn org2 baru, and gw pun mengalami kasus dgn org2 baru ini. Mungkin gw ngeliat sesuatu yg laen n baru, tp yg sbnr na dah ad di luar sana sblm gw ngeliat ke situ. Hahaha, funny to say this. But, i met such strange people. Tp yaah, gw sendiri jg aneh sbnr na lol Tp ad bbrp di antara mslh yg mao gw share di blog...hmmm, buat ngeringanin beban otak gw aj kli yee...XDDD
And so, gw lgsg 'tek' begitu ngeliat nie cw mungil in 'costume'. Berasa aneh dikit, but it's ok. Then, gw ngeliat dia lg di anime vaganza, tp yeah, rada burem, tp jelas itu dia, i knew it for the very first time i saw her there..."Hey! It's her!! The one i saw in the pics last time". Selang 2 hari, gw join komunitas dia org. Bbrp hari, sepatah dua patah kata terlontar dr dia di forum. Gw semakin memberanikan diri buat nge-reply. N akhir na gw add dia di MSN. Pertama, sama sekali ga ad keberanian buat say "ay ay!" ke dia. Haha, how silly. But, tiba2 dia nyapa dgn gaya na yg ceria di suatu ketika. Kita akhir na chat lama bgt, dr sore ampe malem...ampe kyk na dimarahin ama mama na --;;; So...kita dah sama2 mo off. Dia na dah blg Oyasumi n gw na jg dah blg sweet dreamzzz. Passss, gw mao off, dia manggil lagi...kata na "kanpeiii!! Tunggu!!". And i was like o.O
"Bole minta nomer HP na? biar gmpng dihubungin gt..."
"Ooh ok...081********"
"Ini nomer gw...081******* ok dhe klo gt, gw off doloe. Oyasumi"
Yaa kira2 seperti percakapan na...
Bsok pagi na, kira2 jem 6.30an, dia sms. Tp gw ga tau tuh sapa, krn gw emang ga save nomer na...mana tau jg dia bakal sms +_+ Eeh, pas siang na, pas dia dah plg skul, kita sms terus ampe sore, ampe dia abies pulsa...oh man, my mistake --;; Terus bsok na jg sama...tp beda na ampe malem...
Nah pas hr ketiga, gw cman sms bntr doank. N pas malem na, ntah knp gw nangis...gw nangisin dia...Oh my, gimme a break, kta aj belom ktm, liat dia dgn jelas jg belom, dah sempet2 na nangisin org laen yg gw ga kenal bner? hhh...OK, life goes on. Gw akhir na berniat buat cari tahu perasaan aneh ini.
Selang bbrp waktu, gw mulai sadar klo gw kyk na dmen ama dia ntah knp. N kita sms'an ampe skrg n kita selalu sama2 mao ktm satu sama laen. Bbrp kli ad kesempatan, tp selalu berhalangan. Dia ampe2 menyayangkan kalau kalau hrs ktm pas 1 hari stlh valentine krn mnrt dia itu waktu yg cukup lama. Padahal cman 3 mgg lg kira2 loch. Kta seh mao ktm lebi cpet, tp na kadang gw na yg maseh takut ktm dia. Hmmm, takut aj, ga tau knp.
Byk yg blg klo dia kasi lampu ijo. But again, ragu selalu maseh ad. Khawatir nanti klo ktm gmn gt. Takut garink, takut diem2an, takut segala macem yg ga penting2 amet sbnr na >.<
And, it's valentine day...klo gw kasi bunga n coklat, wah dah pasti gw dicengin abies ama anak2 forum...kacau nanti na --;;;

Anyway, ini cerita kyk na akan terus berlanjut, n kyk na mulai terus akan terupdate di blog ini....huahahaha, dah kyk promosi aj XDDD Ok lah, dah jem 1,45 AM...c yaa later

Aiyah! Last wednesday went to school..
Late for about 10 minutes and I thought i was gonna pay for Rp. 5000,- for that
After got there, I saw pretty crowded, not as usual. And suddenly, my friends passed me by and told me that the lecturer was absent. I said, "DANG!! Not again..."
Oh my, it was the second time , i guess. Now i got another class in saturday, everybody may attend it, and also if they didn't want to, it's ok, the lecturer will open it anyway. To redeem his absent, yaa know...
But aah, 24 Dec, want to go to church with Ciru, but then i got a class. Dammit!! Guess i can't exchange gift with others...i hate to miss this X'mas +_+
On 25 Dec, i'm suppose to have fun with friends, but i got to study for my final exam...and worse, i got no holiday...Arrrgggh, what kind of school is that?? @.@
Oh yeah, i need to see my result in Business English subject...it's OUT!! Yay!!

Ummm, remind me something...
Yesterday, i saw it, sooooo beautiful. So cute, smooth, and it's pink. Errr, no, it's not panties >..>
I think it's time for it to bloom once again...Aaah, i've been waiting for this for such a long time , sooo happy XDDD

Haha, almost forgot...
Soon, on 2 - 4 feb 2006, i'll be cosplaying Chaco or maybe Sid from Suikoden Series. This time, i have to walk with bare foot (and it'll be equip with imitation claws) and fake bat's wings attach on my back...
And also, tomorrow, i'll try the make up for valentine days...hope i can be soo beautiful with that, miaw :3

I finally realized what happen to me lately
The strong feeling and bonds between my dad and me
a couple days after i got this lung's problem,
My dad got sick, a lot of cough, and it's not like normal person's cough
oldies' cough, 'yaa know. He got medical treatment and got his daily injection.
Though, we got different problems...but it's still lung's problems
Me, Myself, start to cough sometimes.
Anyway, have you ever feel that you can't take a deep breath like usual?
Have you ever feel that each time you take a breath, something's squashing your chest?
haha, i know it's not easy for me. I become, somehow, more sensitive. Just like girls' getting their 'hard' time, if 'yaa know what i mean +_+
-----------------------------------------------------------

Rage

Fire burns the sky,
Where meteor strikes the land.
Thunder is screaming and crying,
just like being punished in the underground.

This is the feeling inside me,
The stone with a heart-shaped is pounding hard,
Ready to crumble!!

Love is another important thing
I beg to have my heart back
I need that to show my love to someone once more
Wishing to see the beautiful world together, two of us

Tornado of dust is dancing angrily,
Piercing wind is licking the skin,
With this brave soul,
I'm crossing over with no fear

Human's feeling...
The thing that can't be underestimated
Because of its' mystery

Love is another important thing
I beg to have my heart back
I know what i'm doing,
I just wanna be with you

and then...

The clock ticked away slowly
Alone in the dark, i think...
Asking myself impatiently
Do i still have my heart?

Hey, sister! There i found a shooting star,
At starry night, on my journey to the north.
I casted my wish silently,
Hopefully could meet you soon enough.

Love is another important thing
I beg to have my heart back
I need that to show my love to someone once more
Wishing to see the beautiful world together, two of us

I think it's getting worse today...
It's so painful
Hurt to breath
Something....like.....piercing....my chest...
Always...fail to sneeze
I know there's something's wrong
What should i do?
I do not want my mom worried about me
So i always put a small smile on my face
It's just a mask...
Do i live to suffer?
After getting pressure mentally
Now i got pressure physically

Yesterday journal...
I went to Plaza Indonesia with my friend. It was time to go home. We decided to go to the restroom before we left. I was so shocked, the negative energy in men's restroom was very strong. Once i went through the door, it hit me hard on my head. I thought i would keep away from that room. But i was not. I washed my hand, i knew it was watching over me. I didn't dare to take any trouble. So i left as fast as i could.
Alas, it was following me. But only a few of them. I believe it still waiting outside of my house. I'm not sure if tonight i was gonna meet it or not. If yes, surely i gotta do what i gotta do...

Location : 1st floor, men's restroom (in front of the elevator), Plaza Indonesia

Yesterday, i made another new record. Yay! Not taking bath in last 34 hours...wew, i'm a cat, totally. I wonder, when i was a little, my dad called me 'piglet'. A couple years later, he gave me another nick and that is 'young of a goat'. Do i look like one of those? +_+

Today, worse than yesterday. My right shoulder and arm haven't recovered just yet, but my left shoulder was start getting painful. Ugh...that is bad.
Next, something did happen with my lung. Each time i takin' a breath, i feel like i was being nailed on the chest. Why is that? It's Xtremely painful. A lot more painful than shoulder's problem.
Today i just suffered a lil bit too much. Haha, i thought i was about to end up my day in hospital *big laugh*

I had a little discussion with a friend of mine that is a kakashi wannabe in every cosparty. If only my next project was Sannin Jiraiya, then he'll invite me to team up with him, as a guest, to perform something on stage. I said i will think bout that. I think i can handle the costume, but i don't think i can take up the pressure. Being pervert out there with jiraiya costume? It's another way to suicide. But then, it's a pretty good offer and idea, though.
First, vash the stampede was poping out from my mind. The costume? Surely it'll take a lot of cost. There is something more important, and it's all bout the hair. Arrghh, long hair means getting kicked from the class. Still thinking bout this one.
Second, Nicholas Wolfwood's weapon. Me, only making the huge weapon. The costume isn't very complicated. But then, huge weapon means self-destruct. Ugh, so kewl, yet so painful.

Debut...
3rd winner...
Cosplay...
Unbelieveable...
Totally speechless...

Ok, i admit my costume was sucks. I was not well prepared. 'Yaa see, everything was absolutely different from the plan, but why? Only wondering...I need some answers n facts.
The fact that i ruined my own costume, and i felt like a dork. Not such as a warrior like himself, me, totally failure Xp

Haha, just feel that i was not deserved the award, though, i appreciated it a lot. I met many new people, especially miss Pinku, kunishirou-san, a guy from Gensui, SilverXargent, and so many more. And ah, because it was my debut, my very first going in a cosplay party, i got a lot of experiences. Finally, i was successful in completing my goals. Now i know how it feel to be a cosplayer, how tiring it is to be a cosplayer, how hard it is to be a cosplayer. Yeah, a lot of experiences.

Thank you for anyone who have helped me. Especially, Dawi, Ciru and Ojek. Without you guys, i woon't stand up upthere on the stage. No, not even put my foot on the front gate. You guys were willing to waste your time with me, only for get out there and buy all the materials with me. Thank you, thank you so much. Surely i will pay all of my debts to 'yaa. Thank you once again.

Wew...hurt. My shoulder was taking the sword a lil bit too much. My stomach and my back, i won't wear those armors ever again, i swear...

So hungry...

random thoughts :
1. Cc Pinku cocok pake kimono pas tadi...8D
2. Kok Shinji na mungil yah? luthu klo diliat dr jauh, mirip boneka...XDDD
3. Soenk as Barret = supa kewl!!
4. Om H' dash...waktu jd sephiroth, senyum na mematikan, apalagi pas diliat dr dket pas gw dikasi hadiah :3 padahal pengen salaman ama om H'Dash, dasar pedang bagong, gara2 loe gw ga isa salaman ama om H' Y-Y
5. Marty kok lebi langsing skrg?
6. Pusink denger lagu2 j-rock di AV. Dah ga kenal lagu na lg...Xp

1st December daa~!
Aah...finally, i have awaken from 'death'. Ugh, it's so damn peaceful, i wish i could have that time a lil bit longer. But nah, i have so many works to be done and many people to be helped. But then, i have no idea what kind of problem i will face later in my tale...oh well, life goes on...

About the cosplay thingy,
It's tomorrow, and i haven't finished all the armors. That is bad. Ok, i can take care of that, all i have to do is just don't panic. Mmm, it's panic here...XDDD
So, the info made me more panic. It said the cosplayer have to take a number, and it has a limit. Only for 50 numbers aka 50 cosplayers. I have a plan to be late on the party, but guess can't do that. Must hurry!!
I think i'm gonna miss my first quiz in Financial Accouting class. 4 or 5 quiz's result will be divided with 4 or 5, that's for midtest's result. Arrrghh, i think i'm gonna have this 'C' grade again in this subject Y-Y

Aaah, got to go sleep. Wake up early tomorrow. Hope i finished Guan Ping Project on time. Yosh
!! Gambarimasu...!!!

errr...i feel better today...a lot better...
Crying DOES help...for some people, of course
I don't think it's a girlie act...
Since lost of someone that you really loved is a hard thing to face, 'yaa know what i'm sayin'?
This time, i was not crying because of other's problems, but mine
I realized i DID cry many times for other people, but not for me...it's hard
I realized i DID cry for me just a couple times, it's harder
And i felt even harder to take all the pain by myself
I'd rather to live in pain alone, than i have to share it with close friends
ugh...i have some sort of trouble in trusting people, not even my own parents
I don't even know it's some kind of trauma or what...
I don't even know when this happen to me...
I can't change my past, so i just walk with everything i've got now

and A LOT OF THINGS HAPPENED!!!!
HUAHAHAHHAAHHA.....time to go!!!!